When Admiration Feels Lonely: A Love That Sees You

Sometimes you might feel lonely without being truly alone. Surrounded by people who cheer you on, clap for you and smile at you, but do not see you. 

Such failures are mistaken for love. But it feels as though you are always on display, admired by everyone, while no one really listens. The noise of applause greatly drowns out that of understanding. 

And that loud clamour can sometimes only serve to deepen one's internal hollowness.

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The Invisible Burden of Being Inspiring

They stop seeing you as someone who hurts. You are your strength, your balance, and your assurance. You carry others — being the shield and standing strong like a waving flag because that is what you have always done. They see the calm, but not the storm within you. 

They appreciate your patience without realising how many times you wanted to yell and scream. They admire your confidence without knowing the fears that have kept you awake at 3 A.M., all by yourself. 

They call you inspiring but forget to ask how much it costs you to be that.

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Admiration Can Become a Cage

As the admiration grows, the illusion of closeness grows. People feel they know you, but actually, there is just the version you've allowed them to know. They know your lines. They pick up your mannerisms. They even applaud your strength. 

But behind the lens, those tired eyes are never seen. They never get to hear that sigh when you find yourself alone. You start protecting their perception of you rather than your needs. This is because if you stop being "strong," then who will they lean on? 

If you admit you are tired, who will believe you? So you keep performing, even if half-smiling from the inside.

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When Someone Wants More Than Your Image

But sometimes, an unexpected visitor walks in. They will not ask for your story but will wait till the end for you to tell it. They don't love how you lead but they will notice when you don't want to. They aren't dazzled by your light but will be attracted to your presence when you are silenced by the voice inside you. They will not ask anything extraordinary from you but you will still feel that you are extraordinary. They will crave for you, The Real You. 

This person isn't interested in the mask you wear; they want your face, even tired, raw, or uncertain. They will see what others usually miss. The hesitation in your eyes, the way your voice changes when you're thinking too hard, and the way you change your smile the second you feel disrespected or feel left out, even the laughter that barely escapes your lips when you are truly safe. 

And they don't rush to fix you; they wait long enough for you to realise you don't need fixing.

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Love That Doesn’t Want a Performance

You don't need a cheerleader for every minuscule decision of yours. You need someone who understands when you are about to reach your limit and will give you rest. 

You don't need someone who believes in your strength but someone who believes in your truth. Because having someone's shoulder beside you when all you have done in your entire life is be the strong shoulder for others is what you truly deserve.

You don't need someone telling you what you are to the world. You need someone asking you what this world means to you. And then fear may be one reaction when that person arrives, the one willing to understand and not to admire.

Being truly seen is naturally vulnerable.

But therein lies healing.

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To Those Who Are Always "Strong"

If you’ve always been the one others rely on. If people only love you for the version of you, that is always giving…

Let it be a reminder to you:
You are allowed to be soft, to be confused, to rest. 

More than anything else – you have the right to be loved, not for what you can do, but for who you are when you’re not doing anything at all. 

There will come a day when someone will love you when no one else applauds. The one behind the applause. The one you seldom show. And when that day comes, 

Do not hide. Do not perform. 

Just be Yourself.
That's all you ever needed to be.