Dowry and Alimony—A Destructive Addiction to Financial Control

In a progressive and equal society, the prevalence of dowry and alimony systems is a reflection of the deep-seated inequalities that plague society even today. Though legally contested and socially disapproved of, these systems are able to gain mileage in much of the world because of the high dependency on money power. Both dowry and alimony are fundamentally unsound—erroneous, and worse still, harmful. And most frightening is that so many people, despite the changing laws and growing awareness, still cling to these systems as if they are the norm, even the norm. Why? Because society has become addicted to power—power over money, power over relationships, and power over others.

The Addiction to Dowry: A Social Cancer

In essence, dowry is not a practice; it's a culture of domination. The practice of demanding money, valuables, or goods from the bride's kin in exchange for marriage is an articulation of an old venomed thinking: that women are inferior to men, that they can be reduced to their money value.

People are willing to sell their future, mortgage their belongings, or drive themselves into crippling debt merely to pay for the dowry, convinced this is the price of a 'good marriage.' Is this all we have reduced ourselves to—willing to give lives just for some items or money?

The dowry habit is so deep-rooted that individuals won't even consider the destructive impact. It's not merely a matter of the bride's family paying a cost—it's a matter of the woman herself losing agency. The groom's family, rather than appreciating the woman, views her as an object to be traded. And if the dowry is "unsatisfactory," the bride is physically and emotionally mistreated. It's a vicious cycle, one that ruins lives and offers no escape for the victims. Why then do humans cling to this system? It is because money, to them, equals power, and they can't see a world in which they are losing that power.

The Addiction to Alimony: A Weapon of Dependency

If dowry is transactional control, then alimony is about dependency maintenance. Although the idea behind alimony is financial support for a dependent spouse after divorce, it becomes a means to exert control over the ex-partner in many cases. The notion of one partner deserving lifetime financial support, especially when it's excessive or revenge-driven, creates unhealthy dependency beyond finances—it's an addiction to power and control. The receiving spouse, although perhaps legally owed the money, becomes emotionally and financially stagnant, depending on the check as a crutch instead of establishing a life of their own. Meanwhile, the paying spouse becomes resentful, overtaxed, and broke, breeding an atmosphere of toxicity in which healing cannot take place. The system, which was meant to provide fairness in the event of a breakup, can quickly turn into a tool that traps both parties in an agonizing, unhealthy financial relationship.

The alimony addiction comes from the perception that someone owes you for the dissolution of a relationship, that money makes up for the emotional wounds. It shows the reality that life must continue after a divorce, not be burdened by entitlement or resentment. But individuals—both parties—become so obsessed with holding on to these financial connections that they lose sight of the true problem at hand: healing, moving forward, and rebuilding.

Why the Addiction Persists

The continuance of both the dowry and the alimony systems can be attributed to a single common thread: control. These systems create an illusion of security for individuals who cannot look past monetary exchange. They create a means for individuals—especially in patriarchal cultures—so that they can stay in power over others, keeping women financially subordinate or one partner staying in control after a divorce.

So, why are people addicted to these practices? It's because they are conditioned to think that money is respect, power, and stability. The thought of giving up this power—whether in the form of dowry or alimony—seems like a loss of control. It's simpler for people to hold on to these systems than to endure the pain of actual change. But in doing so, we forget what matters most—equality, respect, and human dignity.

Both dowry and alimony are wrong.

Alimony and dowry, while predicated on two different circumstances, are both consequences of an ill, outdated mind set. Dowry reduces the worth of a woman to a price, again supporting the view that her worth is measured in what she is able to bring, rather than who she is. Alimony, when it is misused, turns dependence into a rope that cannot be cut, which inhibits both parties from having the ability to continue with their lives. Both are mechanisms that encourage control, entitlement, and unhealthy power relations.

The habit of these practices has to be broken. For real progress to be made, we have to realize that relationships, whether marital or post-divorce, cannot be transactional. We have to build a society where women are not commodities to be bought and sold, where divorce is not a war over money but an opportunity for healing and rebirth. It is only by breaking free from this habit of economic superiority that we can move on to a period of equality and dignity for all.

The question is, how long are we going to let these outdated systems thrive on our addiction to power before we demand real change? The time has come to break free from the shackles of dowry and alimony.